Cars Humor

CCC Part 1

My Craigslist Crapshoot Car search continues.

This is the story of a guy selling a 2006 IS350 for $11K. He lives about 45 mins away from me, so some planning must go into travelling to see the car. Yesterday as I was driving to see the car, he cancelled the meet while I was half way there. Later that day, he tried to reschedule for 8pm in a dark shopping center parking lot, which I declined. So late last night we finally agreed on a meeting this morning at 10am. I decided to arrive early this time, and again he emailed me about a half hour before the meeting asking to reschedule. I told him no, I was already there waiting. So about 10 minutes after we were supposed to meet, and after his second attempt to skip it, he finally showed up.

As soon as the car rolls up, I think I can see why his preferred meeting times are after the sun sets. The car is not in the same shape as the photos. If I had to guess, the photos were from when he first purchased the car a few years ago. The car before me has many more miles of wear and tear than the photos that were posted showed.

There are many visible scratches on the driver, passenger, front and rear of the car. They mostly appear to be rubbing or car vs object rashes of some kind. Fine, it’s got some wear, so I’ll do the walkaround check out anyway.

I notice that the car is still running, so I asked him to shut it off. He refuses and muttered some kind of excuse that I didn’t catch. I start asking about service history, fluid changes, that sort of thing. He says he *thinks* the oil was changed recently but can’t be sure. He has no service records he can show. He says he’s the second owner and did no mods to the car, but I can see several of them.

The front bumper is falling off on the passenger side of the car. I ask about an accident. He says its probably from parking scuffs. Right, because light taps on a curb rip screws out of things.

The wheels are some kind of oversized aftermarket thing, and they are scraped up on all four corners. I ask if he has the originals, he says no, and that he also asked for them from the original owner, who changed them.

He mentions something about the tires being too big, which looks odd to me because the sidewall profile looks right. Then I look past the tires and see that most of the wheel well cladding is missing from both front wheel wells, and some is missing from both rear wells. I ask about this and he gives me a shrug and says that the original owner said that the wheels were rubbing, so his fix was to rip out the material it was rubbing on… not to change the wheels back.

I keep investigating, looking for leaks, oil stains, etc. Coming to the driver side I find the rear wheel and the front wheel are both missing one lug nut each. I ask about this and again get some kind of muttering about the car occasionally shakes, but that’s just how it is. He then remarks that he had a flat and had to change it, so that’s probably why the lug nuts are gone.

Finally, I come to the interior of the car. In place of the top of the dash, there’s some kind of cloth cushion cover thing, spanning the entire dash area. I ask about this and inquire about the melting dash, which is a known Lexus thing. He says no, he doesn’t have this problem, but this was put on for protection. I can take the cover off, he says. I try, but find that there’s a giant strip of Velcro that spans the entire front top of the dash, door to door, to hold onto this cover.

At this point I’d had enough, packed up my stuff, and got back in the truck. He asked if we were going to take a test drive and I said no, I wouldn’t drive a car in the condition that this one is in. He wanted to know if I would make an offer on it. I said I’d think about it.

I did think about it, for about 15 seconds. There’s no way I would buy a car that is that poorly maintained with that little care given to it. I now understand why it’s on Craigslist and not AutoTrader or

General Humor Web Links

My entry…

… into the current “Sad Batman” meme craze that’s sweeping the internet.  Enjoy?


Sad Batman is sad at the dragon Corvette
Sad Batman is sad at the ‘dragon’ Corvette.
General Humor Rants

A Slurpee Disappointment

For some reason today, Labor Day, I decided that I had to have something from my childhood as a reward for the dusty work around the house that I performed. It seemed only fitting that this treat have some kind of Coca-Cola flavoring to it, since that is one of the most vivid and constant memories I had growing up. Problem is, I really dislike the way Coke tastes now in the USA, so hopping over to the local Safeway for a beverage certainly wouldn’t do.

First I thought it would be a good time to stock up on some Mexican Coke again. I live in California, I have a Costco membership, this should be no problem… except that it’s Labor Day, Costco is closed, and none of the Costco’s nearby carry the sugary drink any longer. Strike one.

Alright, how about that kiddie treat standby, the vulnerable Coke Slurpee? I asked Google Now where the nearest 7-11 store was and I headed out the door. Upon arriving, I searched around the store to find the magic machine of frozen drink deliciousness. Only once I got close to the machine did I discover the sad truth: the machine was broken, flashing, and leaking some kind of darkened ooze. The store clerk was of no use, simply repeating what the machine had already communicated and then returning to his headphones and music. Strike two.

I set off for yet another 7-11 location. I am now discovering in my search that it is far easier to find Starbucks locations than it is to find frozen wonder drinks. After driving around for another 8 or so minutes, I find the next frozen delivery den. Inside there is a working cola flavored Slurpee machine. I grab a cup, turn the switch and delight in the process of fulfilling my admittedly short term goal of Coke nirvana. After paying the clerk and walking out the door I take my first straw-full of Slurpee and…. I am disappointed.

All of this searching, driving and anticipating had raised my expectations to levels that were unsupportable. I was left with a mildly cola flavored, ice crystal drink and a series of questions about how I recall my childhood. Was the Slurpee always this tasteless and bland? Is my memory fading now such that I couldn’t recall the previous bouts of poor cola taste? Had the secret recipe changed somehow in the intervening years while I wasn’t watching?

I believe I’ve learned an important lesson here: lower expectations are better expectations. And that it’s probably better to buy Mexican Coke, some vanilla ice cream, and make my own concoctions at home. Figures.

Flying General Humor Site News Web Links

The T-28 is no more

It was bound to happen at some point, but today is the day the T-28 met its demise while flying in my hands. Fittingly, it was a mid-air collision with another T-28 (and another former Bayside member) that ended its flying days so abruptly. Seems there are some things that EPP foam just can’t recover from, and of course I found this out the hard way.

Goodbye ParkZone T-28, I’ll miss you.

General Humor Travel

Nuggets of Strange Wisdom

I have been flying around quite a bit recently for the job and found that if I sit quietly in the cab or bus to and from the airport I can pick up on some remarkable gems from the local population. On tap from this weeks trip is this little nugget:

Don’t marry an American woman. They expect too much and are just too hard to deal with. I’m 56, retired, and moving to Thailand. Those are the women to have. My girlfriend is 26 and she’s thankful for the little things. That’s how a woman is supposed to be. And boy does it get the blood rushing again, if you know what I mean, even for an old guy like me.

This really isn’t my type of advice, but someone out there might find it useful.  Feel free to discuss it with your significant other and let me know how that goes.

General Humor Rants

Friendly Reminder: I'm A White Guy

It seems that I keep forgetting that I am a lanky white guy.  This week I decided to go to lunch with some of the old NVIDIA co-workers at a local Indian food restaurant.  The food was good and I was careful to pick things I knew I could handle.  Or so I thought. When

I got back to work things seemed to be heating up just a bit in my stomach.  Then, of the course of a few hours, that spicy chicken got into a shouting match with my breakfast and things just went downhill from there.  Two days later I was still feeling the burn. I

I guess I’m not curry compatible.  Which is a shame, because that’s some good food.

General Humor

Fruit Bar Goodness

I’ll admit it, I’m finicky when it comes to food items.  But this week I discovered Dreyer’s Grape Fruit Bars and I’m hooked.  They taste great and seem to be somewhat healthy.  At least more healthy than ice cream or other sweets.  I don’t see how you could pass up such goodness if you encountered it in your local supermarket frozen foods section.  It really is that good.

But now I’ve finished off the box and I want more.  There is none to be had in the local store, so I guess I’ll have to wait a bit.  But no!  I can be notified whenever my local store gets more of the grape flavor.  Is this really what I need, yet another email notification?

General Humor

Using Google for Dating

I saw this story and just had to laugh all the way through it. Literally, its a tongue-in-cheek take on the average geek (that’s me) using virtually all the Google services (still me) to get a girl. Besides being entertaining, it makes me wonder just how much of that stuff will work. I think I’ll have to look into the AdWords idea, though.

Humor Web Links

The end of the world

The evil genius in me often finds a way out into public view, exposing the secret plans I harbor for world change. In that mode of thought, as of today I have yet to find a more thoroughly researched and documented method for ending the world than this next link:

How to destroy the Earth

It really doesn’t get much more straightforward than that. If you ever wondered what it would take, wonder no longer. Go on, have a look.