Massive floods, mudslides, earthquakes, airplane crashes, blizzards, and fires. Religious fundamentalists killing everyone in sight. Weapons of mass destruction hiding in developing nations. I could accept all of this as normal. But then I got someone who a) spoke English and b) was actually helpful; who spoke to me at Fry’s today.

That’s it: the global apocalypse is finally upon us. I’m stocking up on water, batteries and chocolate. Now where’s that bomb shelter when you need one?